Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3
The emotional impact of stopping in the 10,000m was nothing like what it had been in the marathon five days before. Unlike the marathon, I was prepared for the possibility of not being recovered enough to do as my heart and mind wanted, and when it happened, I accepted it. Of course it was still devastating.
I remember walking off in a dejected daze and almost getting killed by a javelin! I was angry with myself for being so inconsiderate and messing up their competition as well. Afterwards I spoke to television, radio and then the newspapers. Everyone was sympathetic and made it that tiny bit easier for me to talk about it.
After a devastating emotional experience, you seek comfort and inspiration from wherever you can. Something I read after the Olympics made real sense to me. It was in a James Patterson novel and I found it uplifting because it explained something I have long felt but never worked out into words.
It was about five balls: life is about juggling five balls in the air. They are health, family, friends, integrity and career/achievement. These balls are not the same; the important thing to remember is that the career ball is made of rubber but the others are more fragile.
You can take more risks with the rubber ball. You may try to throw it through higher and higher hoops because if you do drop it, it will eventually bounce back. Normally, this ball does not suffer long-term damage. The other four balls need to be looked after more carefully. If you drop one of these it will be damaged and it may even shatter.
It is a valid analogy because it symbolises what is important in life and should be remembered. So long as we have our health, integrity, family and friends we can overcome life’s hurdles. In sport, it is especially true that we take risks with that achievement ball. I throw it higher and higher and push myself to achieve all that I am capable of.
The last place I ever wanted to drop that ball was in the most important race of my life. Unfortunately it happened and now I have to recover. However, what is most important is that the other balls are safe and unharmed: I still have the best family and friends, they still love me and they have been invaluable in helping me to come to terms with, and then move on from, the disappointment of Athens.
My health and integrity are still intact. People may have questioned my integrity for stopping in two races but I know that I ran as far as my body could go in that marathon. I could go no further.
I do not doubt my ability to push past the pain barrier in future races. With a healthy body, you can achieve amazing things. When it is not healthy it will let you know and if you persist, it will shut down. It is important to heed these warnings and my body gave me no choice. For the 10,000 metres I did what was important to me: I gave myself the chance to run well so that I would never have to wonder “what if”?
Although it didn’t come off, at least I found out the answer and can live with that. I did what I felt was right, even though I knew that if it didn’t work out it would be criticised. When I knew there was nothing left, I didn’t risk long-term injury or inflict further damage on a battered body.
There were occasions, particularly during the aftermath of Athens and the endless dissection and criticism, when I wondered if I wanted to share a very personal story with the world. Then I thought of all the wonderful support and compassion I had received and of how all the people who’ve backed me deserved to know what happened in Athens and everywhere else along the way.
Also to know I’m OK, that I’ve picked up the pieces and am back to being me. I still love my running; I relish future races, am contemplating new goals and dreams and how best to achieve them. Above all, I’m back to being happy and I’m enjoying life.
Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3
|
